The Awakening
by Crimson-Midnight-Moon
Summary: In the Mist of it all, she lost herself. She forgot who she was, and felt like she was running in circles. But little did she know she was going to find out exactly who she was, and it wont be easy. Nobody is going to baby you this time Isabella, especially not him. Set in New Moon.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own the Twilight Saga.

Prologue

Despair. Hurt. Anger. Confusion. That was all I felt. Nothing helped me to get _him _out of my mind. I am such a wreck, even Jake doesn't want to be around me anymore.

I try to get better, not just for Charlie, Mom, Jake, or anyone really―but for myself.

Tick-Tock

Time. That's all I hear lately. It's like my body is just waiting to fall over and die.

Rustle

The wind is blowing outside; Leaves scraping against the glass of the window. I wish the wind was strong enough to blow away the agony that _ he _ left. I wish I was strong enough to pull myself out of this, but I'm not.

Tick-Tock

Sometimes I wonder if…I really ever was I'm love with_ him_. Was it all just an illusion? Did I fall for _ his…_ no, _ their dazzling_ ?

I don't know anymore.

I don't know anything anymore.

I don't even know who I am anymore.


	2. Getting Back Up

Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.

Getting Back Up

Forks―rainy, windy, cold, and dull Forks. That is were moved one year ago because I wanted my mother , Renee , to have her privacy with her new husband, Phil. Moving back in with my dad, Charlie, had been…awkward so to say. Though in the view short days that I had lived in Forks, I had meet _him_, Edward Cullen.

The Cullen's were not you're normal Foster family. Every single one of them had this aura about them that just…drew you in, but I found out why, they where Vampires, well vegetarian vampires. Hah! What an oxymoron! Anyway, what I mean by 'vegetarian' is that they only drink the blood of animals, which causes then to have gold colored eyes instead of the usual glowing red ones.

Maybe it was their eyes that drew me in the most? No, I know for a fact that that was only one of the many reasons. Like I said, everything about them was, is alluring in every since possible. But it was Edward that had my full attention; he captivated me like a prisoner.

Edward, he always knew what to do. Sweet words, with a soft and silk like voice that could make me do anything he wanted to. He never me do anything, at least nothing that I was aware of, but then again how would I know. Vampires, they have this…overpowering thing that they use to get their way.

Dating Edward, then becoming prey to a passing Nomad Vampire, lured back to a childhood memory, and then being thrown around by said nomad like a rag doll, being saved by Edward on the edge of death and vampirism. I still loved him then, so much to the point that I didn't care that my life was in danger. Though I was forced to junior prom by Edward and Alice, then the Birthday party Alice forcefully threw me, that ended up with me getting a paper cut and then being thrown against a glass table, and then Edward…breaking me emotionally in the middle of the forest by my house. Yet after all this, I still love him.

Why!? Why can't this just pass over already like every other breakup out there! Like eating ice cream while watching bad and sappy romance movies and crying my eyes out, but none of that happened.

As I pondered these thoughts I decided to look into the mirror on my dresser. There were bags under my eyes and dark circles, my skin was unhealthy and pale looking and I was skinny, too skinny. I was a mess, a big unhealthy mess.

Seeing as my hair was greasy and nasty I decided to take a shower and at least make myself look a little better. I grabbed my shower stuff and went to the bathroom, and spent at least an hour just standing and letting the water fall over my body. Sighing, I stepped out of the shower and dressed into some pj's.

As I got dressed I viewed myself in the mirror again, for the first time in six months since the breakup I felt disgusted of the way I was living, no wasting my life away all because of a breakup.

All of a sudden another felling hit me as I became more and more aware of myself. I was hungry, my stomach was growling, it was aching. I was hungry.

I got out of the bathroom and walked down the stairs. The lights were out which meant that Charlie was probably in bed already. Walking into the kitchen and turning the light on I saw a pizza box on the counter next to the stove. I walked over and opened the box, taking out a slice and eating it, then another piece and another and then before I knew it I ate four slices.

I grabbed a glass of water and drank it then washed my hands and heard a grunt behind me, tuning around I saw my dad with a raised bow.

"What are you still doing up Bells? You know you have school tomorrow morning right." He said groggily like he just woke up. Not knowing what time it is I turned my head toward the clock: 11:43. I glance over at my dad and then back at the sink.

"Uh yeah, sorry I got a little hungry." I told him, my cheeks turning red of embarrassment as he looked at the box of pizza that only held two slices now.

"Oh," he said, walking over o me he gave e a pat on the shoulder, "well I'm glad Bells." I know he only meant good when he patted my shoulder, but it felt like he was saying 'good job' to me finally eating something. I'm not mad at him, no , I know I have put him through hell. I was mad at myself; was I really that bad that I needed to be told 'good job' like a disobedient little child who finally did something right?

"Don't stay up to late kay. School tomorrow and all." He said to me, awkwardly giving me a kiss to the forehead and bidding each other goodnight.

After he left I decided I also needed some sleep, and made my way upstairs. As my head hit the pillow I was ready for the nightmares to come.

҉҉҉҉҉҉҉҉҉҉

I woke up to my alarm clock, which I really wanted to throw out the window right now. Shutting the annoying alarm of I turned onto my back. I went to bed expecting nightmares, but instead I didn't dram at all. It was a relive so to say, the best sleep I have gotten in a while now. After 1 minutes of staring at my ceiling I finally got up and went o the bathroom to wash up and get ready. I put on my faded skinny jeans, grey sweater, green jacked and black Nikes, brushing my hair so that I at least looked presentable. Walking down stairs I was greeted by my dad eating a piece of toast, drinking from his coffee mug, and reading the newspaper. I grabbed myself a piece of toast to and a glass of water. Even before I moved to forks I was never a big breakfast eater.

"So what are you planning on doing today kiddo?" Charlie asked casually, but I knew that he was only checking up on me. Thinking about what he asked me I stood still for a second. All of my so called 'friends' didn't want to be around me anymore, well there is one exception.

"Maybe Angela wants to do something today." I answered drinking the rest of my glass empty. Yes maybe I could hang out with Angela again, she was the only one who didn't hold anything against me, she's the only good person who I would call a friend out of them all and I really would like to be friends again, hopefully.

"That's good." He responded, but I could see a slight smile behind the newspaper. Looking at the clock I told him I was off for school.

"Alright, Be Safe!" Charlie shouted out from the kitchen.

"You too. Be Safe…Dad!" I shouted from the entrance, a small smile gracing my lips.

It's all going to get better. Today and every day from now on I'm going to try to get better, slowly but surely.

I'm getting back up if it's the last thing I do.


	3. New To Forks

Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.

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New to Forks

The drive to school was quiet like I usually is. Once I parked my old beast, as Jake likes to call her, I got out and grabbed y backpack.

Walking toward the entrance of the school I saw all the kids gathered outside, as an unfamiliar car made its way the parking lot. From what I could make out it looked like a mustang. I have to admit I was a bit curious about who could be driving that car, but right now I was on a mission.

I went to my locker and looked around for Angela. When I didn't find her by her locker I just put my stuff in mine and got out what I need for the day. Walking toward my class I saw Angela, but decide to leave her alone, seeing as she was with Ben. So I just walked into class and sat in the back by myself like usual.

Slowly the classroom became to fill with other students and my five minutes of peace and quiet got destroyed once Lauren came in.

"Oh my god! Did you like see the new guy!?" She exaggerated. So we have a new guy?

"Uh yeah! Talk about a nice ass! He rivals the guys down in La Push! "One of Laurens friends said.

So that out there was the new guy. I kind of feel sorry for him already, hearing the school sluts talk about him that way an him now being target on Laurens 'to-do' list.

Class started and before I knew it, it was over and I was on my way to my next class; chemistry. Once again I took my seat, but this time next to the window, which I looked out of. I watched as the wind blew the trees and the clouds just keep piling up in the sky making it know that it will rain today; like it does everyday hear in Forks.

I felt someone poking my shoulder which nearly made me jump out of my skin. Turning my head toward the offending russet skinned finger I let my eyes tail up toward a not so offending face and stared into a pair of gorgeous hazel eyes. The stranger's husky voice bought me out of my daze.

"Excuse me, is this e taken?" He asked me, pointing toward the empty seat next to me.

"Uh, no,"

A smile spread across his flawless face making him look even more, I don't know….sexy?

"Cool." Came his reply as he plopped himself into the seat.

Turning my head back to the window I noticed it started to dribble and then pour down cats and dogs. Class started a view minutes later and we had to pair up with the person next to us. Getting the stuff me and my new partner just sat there in silence for a while till he asked me,

"So uh, what's your name?"

"Bella Swan,"

"Well it's a pleasure to meet you Bella Swan. My name is Lucas Meraz aka. the new guy." He laughs while saying the last part. I smiled at him, a real smile and not forced; there is something really unique about this guy.

"Nice to meet you too Lucas." I say as I take his hand and shake it.

҉҉҉҉҉҉҉҉҉҉

Time passed and it was already Lunch time. Scanning the cafeteria I finally found Angela sitting by the table near the window. Walking over to her with my lunch tray in hand I stood while clearing my throat to catch her attention. She looked up from her camera and shock crossed her face.

"Bella…"

"Can I…sit here?" I ask awkwardly. There was a moment of silence before she answered with eyes wide.

"Of course you can!"

A smile crossed her face and I couldn't help but smile back at my old friend, if we still are that is. I sat down and after a view moments of silence I finally asked,

"How have you been?"

"Pretty good, other then you're usual high school drama I guess." she told me, there was a tiny pause," How are you doing?"

"Honestly," I started, then looked up at her, "I'm really trying to get…over this funk I'm in. I don't want to sulk over spilled milk anymore." I told her honestly.

"I'm glad Bella. Really I'm happy to see you…smiling again. We missed you."

"I'm sorry for what I put you through though. I pushed you guys away when I needed you the most."

"Apology accepted." Angela smiled.

Wait a second! She said 'we' as in plural,

"Hey, what did you mean by-"I was about to ask her, but then a shout interrupted me.

"Bella!" Lucas's voice shouted even though he was a mere meter away from the table I was sitting at. Before I could say anything, he and his tray of food made themselves comfortable next to me.

"Hey," he greeted me then turning toward Angela," Hi, I'm Lucas, the new kid." I watched as Angela's jaw dropped a bit then close as she stared at me then back at him.

"I'm Angela." She answered back, "you guys know each other?" she asked. Lucas took a bite out of his apple the swallowed before telling her,

"Yes you could say that. Were partners in chemistry!" he explained to her, his impish grin returning to his face. As he ate the rest of his food he slung his arm around my shoulder, making me a bit uncomfortable. He didn't seem to notice at all, nor did he notice the stares people were throwing us, or well the glares I was getting from some girls, or their whispers like 'You have got to be kidding me, seriously what's up with that Swan girl getting all the good looking guys!' or 'Wasn't Swan still hung up over that Cullen?'. Ignoring them the best that I could I decide to just eat my cheeseburger.

"So Lucas are you Quileute?" Angela broke the silence. Getting my silent question because he looks a lot like the boys down there, maybe he was from another tribe.

"I'm only half Quileute, half Quinault. My parents like to travel so we moved a lot, but they said that since it's my last year and I'm going to go off on my own pretty soon we just moved here. My cousin Paul Lahote lives down in La Push" He explained to us.

"Were did you travel to?" bringing myself to finally talk.

"Every place possible I guess. It's never really been about the big cities even though we went there from time to time too. We mostly visited the small towns or well smaller cities. Europe was my favorite to travel to though. It's so beautiful, so much ancient history, not that other places don't have ancient history but in Europe I just loved the stories, the myths, legends anything you could possibly thing off really. Though Asia, Africa, and South America where just as interesting, the bugs kind of creped me the hell out. My favorite parts where the rainforests…and the exotic women of course." He told us animatedly, though a small smirk making its self aware on his face as he talked about the 'exotic women'. I knew it; he's a playboy, you can just tell by well, everything he does and acts. Yes, I believe I just made friends with a playboy; well there's a first for everything.

Ben joined us a little later into lunch and welcomed me back with open arms and got along great with Lucas who finally removed his arm from my shoulders. The rest of Lunch went by smoothly, with us all chatting away and me forgetting what I was going to ask Angela before we were interrupted.

The bell rang and we had to get back to class, which was calculus for me; yay...Not!

The teacher gave us our assignment and left us to our own devices. So here I am just doing my stuff when all of a sudden my paper is snatched from me. I looked up to see Lauren with her makeup caked to her face and a sneer.

"Can I help you?" I asked her, a glare forming on my face.

"Oh so the robot gets angry? How cute." She smirked then the sneer returning to her face.

"Again. Can I help you?" I asked again this time getting irritated.

"Yes you can. By staying the hell away from the new guy, I called dips you got me Swan! So go crying back to Cullen. Oh wait! He didn't want you!"

Ouch. That…really hurt. I looked down at my desk like a child being lectured. No. No I said I was going to get better and that's what I intend to do.

"He's not an object Lauren. I'll hang out with whoever I want to, now go and tell someone who actually gives a shit on what you think , say, or want, because I sure have none to give."

She was about to open her mouth again, when the teacher spoke instead.

"Miss Mallory go back to your seat and stop bothering Miss Swan!" He snapped from his desk. Lauren glared at him before putting my paper back on my desk and going back to hers. Thank God! I never wanted to punch someone so bad.

Hours Later school was over and I went to my locker and got my stuff. Walking out the door I felt someone swing their arm around my shoulders; no doubt it was Lucas and I was right.

"So do you have a ride?" He asked me curiously, as we walked into the parking lot.

"Yeah, over there my old truck." He looked at my truck with wide eyes.

"Daaaammmm, that's uh a nice truck?" He stuttered. I glared at him, no one hates on my beast!

"Don't insult my truck, just because you have a nicer car. I happen to love the old girl a lot!" I defended.

He lifted his hands up in surrender and laughed

"Hey now don't bite my head off, really it's a nice classic, you don't see them around anymore very often."

"Well I gotta go and pick up my lil' sis. See ya Bell!" He told me.

"Bye." And then he was gone.

I got into my old Beast and put my stuff next to me. I just sort of stared at the steering wheel, well I made it through the day and I talked to my old friends again and I made one new one, who happened to be Quileute. I started thinking about Jake and Sam's cult. Then I was hit with a small sense of desperation or need, I don't know and I honestly don't care, but I do know one thing. I want answers. I won't let Jake just tell me that he doesn't want to be friends with me or that we're not any good for each other without answers. I'm going to give it one more try. I was going to drive myself down to La Push and talk to Jake and I wasn't going to leave until I find out.


End file.
